didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
