So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
