i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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