I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
