i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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