I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
