It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
