The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
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I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
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Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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