either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
