His hands were made for my vagina.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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