I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
