what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize