i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
