I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
