Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
