Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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