I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
