I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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