i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i love accidental penises.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize