ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
