We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
