I just saw a hot homeless man
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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