All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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