I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
