it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
