I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
