There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
