I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
