I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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