i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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