What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
