We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i drank out of a bidet.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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