Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
