She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
