I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just invented taco cereal.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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