I accidentally had phone sex last night
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
