It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Randomize
