tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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