What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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