So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
