I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
