Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
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Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
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Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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