I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
