I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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