Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
