Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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