The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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