yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out