just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.