He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i would one night stand the shit outta him
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher