I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign