New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it