Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back