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How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
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