My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
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When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
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i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup