Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize