I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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