PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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