What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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