just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
