he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize