I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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