I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
