dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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