I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
