better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
