Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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